When most people think of Jehovah’s Witnesses they imagine two friendly, well dressed people knocking on their doors early on a Saturday morning. Little do they know that these bible peddling religious zealots are quite the douche bags. Where do I get my information to support this idea you may ask? Well, from experience and evidence like a true atheist should.
When a Jehovah’s Witness knocks on your door they may talk about, all the suffering caused by man and the shitty world that we are living in. Of course they won’t bring up all the pain and suffering their organization has caused people. I could bring up the people killed in Malawi or the families destroyed by the rules on blood transfusion, but most people already know about those issues. What they don’t know about is how much JWs love to gossip. Honestly, they gossip about everything and anything! It even happens in the households of elders and servants. When I was growing up as a witness two of my closest friends were bothers and their father was an elder. Well, almost every time that I would eat dinner at their home, we would all gather together as a family around their dinner table. This was strange for me, because I was used to eating in front of the television with my mom watching the Nickelodeon show “Doug.” While my less spiritual family would talk about the show my friends “holier than thou” family would gossip………..about everyone!
“Is John dating Betty? I hope he knows that she doesn’t go out in service. Who was that woman sitting next to Mike; he isn’t free to remarry, is he? Did you hear about Lisa getting disfellowshipped? When she was at our hall she was such a nice sister but she spent way too much time with Bobby out in service. I wonder if that’s why she was disfellowshipped?”
Then the youngest one would chime in, “Well I heard from Ben that she was smoking at school the other day” And, you know what else! Jamie was in the Christmas play at school!”
The mother would reply, “Are you serious? It’s sad how far people will drift when they stop attending the meetings.”
You don’t have to be a genius to realize that gossip sucks. And, the sad thing is, this was only one of the many people that I would catch constantly, gossiping, judging and condemning other people. But, in the witness world it doesn’t stop there…….it takes another ugly turn!
“Well, I heard a rumor about your brother and um…….well I wanted to ask you about it and, um…….I guess see how you are doing”
This comment is known as the “I want more information so I’m going to act like I’m concerned; so, I can have an excuse to call you, method of information extraction!”
This shit happens all the time in the wonderful world of the JWs. Now, let’s think about this like rational people. Let’s for instance say that a family member was just kicked out of the organization. For a witness this is a sad time, almost as sad as a death in the family. Do you honestly think that someone wants to talk about something so devastating for them? Perhaps they can handle one call, maybe two but three, four, five………………..and on to seventy-two, kind of becomes a little overwhelming. Mind your own damn business people! If they want to tell they will and if they don’t they won’t (this can apply to the world outside the JW congregations too). Leave them alone! But, instead of leaving people alone JWs get all the information they can and then pass it on to the next person who calls to extract more information and the ugly cycle goes on and on and on. While you may think you are the only one asking questions, keep in mind that you probably aren’t, because if something motivated you to go rumor hunting it probably had the same affect on someone else. I think that’s enough of that rant, so, on to my next point .
I’m going to illustrate for a second with a story about two very close twin brothers, one is named Joe and the other is Bob.
Bob and Joe went car shopping together one beautiful summer day. Both Bob and Joe had always purchased only Toyotas and nothing else. When they arrive at the Toyota dealership Bob tells Joe that he’s been doing months and months of research and that he’s not sure that he wants to purchase a Toyota, and that is where the story begins:
Bob: “Hey, Joe there is something really important that I wanted to discuss with you today.”
Joe: “Oh yea? What was that Bob?”
Bob: “Well Joe, I know that we both have always bought Toyotas and that our parents before us always bought Toyotas and that their parents always bought Toyotas but…..I’m thinking about trying something else out.”
Joe: “What!? Buy something else? Really, but why Bob? We both know that Toyotas are the best car in the world, why would you bother driving anything else?”
Bob: “Well, Joe I did some research and Toyotas may not actually be the best car in the world.”
Joe: “I know that that Toyotas aren’t perfect Bob, but they are the best car on the market.”
Bob: “That may not be true Joe. In fact some Toyotas have cost people their lives because the breaks didn’t work properly.”
Joe: “Um, Bob you haven’t been reading anti-Toyota literature have you? Or visiting the Honda website? You know that none of that stuff is true, it’s just anti-Toyota propaganda created by other manufacturers to steal our loyalty from the only car company that cares about us as individuals!”
Bob: “I know it may surprise you but the concerns are legitimate. There have been many studies, reviews, and tests pointing out serious flaws in Toyotas, all with diligent and proper evidence, footage, and paperwork supporting the claims. I have even seen video on a traffic camera. The guy couldn’t stop! It’s all there on tape Joe, and the mechanics did find something wrong with the car.”
Joe: “Bob, you just believe everything that you hear, don’t you? Of course the mechanics said that, they work for Honda, and they just don’t want to see you drive off the lot today in a new Toyota.”
Bob: “Look Joe, if you want to buy a Toyota that’s fine, I’m completely cool with it. I just don’t want to drive a car I don’t feel comfortable in and I don’t want my kids to ride in one either.”
Joe: “WOW! You are so arrogant Bob! What makes you think that you know better than everyone in the family that has driven Toyotas before you? Just wait till I tell mom, she’s going to be so disappointed in you.”
Bob: “Joe, I’m sorry, but I just can’t drive around in a car because everyone else thinks I should. I have to do what’s right for me and my family.”
Joe: “Fine Bob! As long you have abandoned Toyotas you have abandoned me! We’re done, lose my number!”
Bob: “Joe, it’s only a car, shouldn’t I have a right to decide what car I want to drive?”
Joe: “You made a decision to buy a Toyota when you were 16 Bob!!! A decision that lasts forever!”
Unfortunately, Bob and Joe haven’t spoken since that day.
Perhaps this sounds a tad unrealistic, or like an exaggeration. But honestly how different is it from the way Jehovah’s Witnesses really act? I know of some of the sweetest old ladies that have never seen their grandchildren because of their obsession to their faith. I know of young adults that were kicked out of their homes because they refused to follow the faith of their parents. I know of lifelong friendships destroyed because someone is “no longer one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.” I know of brothers shunning brothers, sisters shunning sisters, mothers shunning daughters, sons shunning fathers………and so on. All of this from a group of religious people that claim to be the MOST loving organization on the planet! This is what religion does to people when they stop thinking for themselves and side with a publishing cult that only cares about money and headcount. This is why I hate religion! This is why I hate the Watchtower society! Because, it’s not the 9 old idiots running this organization that are suffering when this shit happens. It’s my friends and my family.